A Shoving Solution

People often ask me what I would do differently, were I in charge (of everything). Today's answer is: more queues. Americans, as a rule, are not queue-friendly people; we always look for ways to jump in front of others. The result: endless shoving.

In my brave new queue-filled world, shoving would be a distant memory. No more elevator bank scrums. No more el-boarding door-hustlery. No more need to be a Shovey McPushalot. Just lovely queues snaking everywhere. Such beauty. . . I need a moment.

Who Farted?

In a long-range space probe on a mission to find inhabitable planets for the purpose of finding a new home for humans, natural resources are precious. And the most precious resource is fresh air. That's why we don't serve Mexican food on Eden-1. Because in space: He who smelt it; dealt a blow to humanity's last chance at survival.