From Careerbuilder via yahoo.com -

Your Job AlertsResults for: ProducerBelow is a list of jobs we have compiled based on your saved preferences at CareerBuilder.com.

TechnicianThink Energy GroupChicago, ILOct-13

My Reply:

Dear Careerbuilder,

I don't think you know what a producer does.

Answering All Those E-mails I Would Not Answer Otherwise

This will henceforth be the place wherein I answer e-mails which would otherwise go unanswered by me. Anyone who is waiting for a response may check here in the future.

Today's chosen e-mail was sent to me via yahoo by my close personal friend, Jeremy Bird. It's a kind of long note so I've interspersed his text with my answers.

Friend --

You are my freind, too.

We're almost there -- just 19 days left.

I'm not sure that's the punctuation you're supposed to use there, but it works OK.


The final three weeks of any election, and especially of this one, are about one thing -- getting out the vote. The math is simple: if the folks who voted in 2008 vote again in 2010, then Democrats keep both the House and Senate and we can keep moving America forward.

I am willing to accept this series of assumptions since we are friends.

You and I have to make sure they don't stay home. All over the country, in all 50 states -- and in Chicago -- OFA volunteers are rolling up their sleeves and asking their neighbors to commit to vote this fall.

Can you make it out to take part on Tuesday?

I don't have to do anything. You have to do this because it is your job. Sure, we're friends but that doesn't mean I have to do your job. My friend Jim is a doctor. It would be weird if I started operating on people on that basis.

OK, so maybe I could have another reason to want to help you. So far the only one you've given me is to keep the Democrats in power. Not enough reason. You know why? Because not all democrats are the same. Really, I've checked. They've got different DNA and fingerprints and everything. Just because I believe one is a great candidate does not mean that I believe all are.

So before you ask me if I can make it, you should try convincing me that I want to.

Here are the details:

What: Vote 2010 Event

Where: Leona's
3215 N Sheffield Ave
Chicago, IL 60657

When: Tuesday, October 19th
5:00 pm





Alright, Leona's has really great Lasagna, so that's a good on you, Jeremy. I sometimes daydream about asking a hot cop or fireman out on a date to Leona's. I just think that would be all romantic and chicago-y. He and I would wed and lead a simple life making blue collar babies in a bungalow.

But I'm digressing. Because I am not convinced, I will push neither the I will make it or the No, but I want to help buttons. And thus, no form asking me to donate $3 right now.

If you can't make that event, see if there's another one near you.

Look, Jeremy, you're a great friend of mine and I love you like a brother but this it drives me nuts when you do this. You can phrase a question 600 ways but if it's the same question it will get the same answer.

If we succeed this November, we'll build on our past victories by continuing to improve the economy and get Americans back to work, fighting for clean energy, green jobs, and immigration reform. If we lose, the Republicans who have vowed to repeal Wall Street reform and phase out Social Security will take over our government -- and maybe even shut it down.

Fair enough. In general, I don't agree with the Republican agenda. That's why I don't give my money or time to them at all. What I will give my money and time to is a specific candidate that I believe in. Not to a collective. Not to a general tendency. One man or woman who I believe will do a very much better job than the other candidate. Tell me who this money is going to. Send me their photo. Have them write me letters every now and then about how my donation helped their family buy the first goat in their village. But don't just tell me it's going to the party because not all democrats think the exact same things. If you've found a way to make that happen that's some creepy stuff there, Jeremy.

There are no two ways around it: to achieve the things we fought for in 2008, we need to win in 2010. And to win in 2010, we need to get out the vote.

I am willing to accept this series of assumptions since we are friends.

Earlier this week, the President held a town-hall meeting with some first time voters from 2008. He told them our involvement in democracy signals "a reaffirmation of a central American truth, which is our destiny is not written for us by somebody else -- our destiny is written by us."

Sure, that sounds like something he's say.

Please do what you can to come out and volunteer in Chicago:

http://IL.barackobama.com/Vote2010Events

Keep at it,

Jeremy

Jeremy Bird
Deputy Director
Organizing for America

OK, I'm probably overdoing it here, but let me try one more time, Jeremy. I am not interested in supporting every living thing that calls itself a democrat. Tell me about one specific House race where Democratic Candidate, Awesome McItsallgood is facing a tough election against Republican Candidate, Mary VonCivilrightsare4theweek. Tell me about how he has found a way to balance the budget and improve education while she is running on platform based on going back to DOS-based computing because she thinks it's more Christian. Tell me that he is a war hero, tell me that she is a third grade drop-out. Be specific, Jeremy. I got on this mailing list because I believed and worked for one person, not your party. When you get that, you'll get me and the other voters like me who voted for President Obama. Until you do, I won't be pushing any virtual buttons.







Paid for by Organizing for America, a project of the Democratic National Committee -- 430 South Capitol StreetSE, Washington, D.C. 20003. This communication is not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.This email was sent to: cholleyk@yahoo.comUpdate Address / Email | Unsubscribe

Yeah, I could unsubsribe but where's the fun in that.

Anyways, see you around.

Your friend,

Cholley

That Isn't Cool

Hey Internet,

My email has been full of messages from services offering to sell me the cheapest Viagra and/or Cialas.

What the what, Internet?

I mean, I understand that you might be frustrated that I wasn't able to "perform" the other night, even with all that glorious pornography you showed me, but you seemed so kind and understanding at the time. You didn't judge - you let me go and surf some comic book news websites to relax. And, I mean, after I found those pictures of Megan Fox in her costume from the upcoming JONAH HEX movie, we eventually sealed the deal.

So why did you have to go and tell all these online erectile dysfunction medication pushers that I needed their services. I thought we had something special, something that was ours.

Obviously I was wrong, Internet.

I'll check you out tonight. If you really want to let me know you're sorry, find me some hot Eliza Dushku nipple-slips. Or Katie Perry. Oh, or that girl from the Progressive insurance ads. Yeah, she's weird-hot...

See, no medicine needed, Internet. See you tonight.

Watch out!

Yesterday I wrote about how we shouldn't care about what's going on with Brett Michaels. Today I saw that he had to be rushed to the hospital because of a brain hemorrhage.

I'm not saying that I am magic, but maybe you all should think twice about making me angry, I might write about it.
I'm looking at you Heidi Montag.

As of Saturday April 17, the second most popular news story according to Yahoo! was Brett Michaels' emergency appendectomy.

Seriously folks?
I mean we are talking about Brett Michaels.
(Tell me this photo isn't doctored.)
This is a guy who had a hit song when I was in grade school and who is now a reality show regular.

Why do we care about his useless internal organs?
I mean even if he had to have emergency bypass surgery I'm not sure I would click on that article link.

And let's be honest, the interesting thing that we have learned from this story is not that Brett had to have his appendix removed, it's that he had to postpone his tour.
That means Brett Michaels is touring!

Well Florence, Indiana I guess you are just going to have to wait for the Sebastian Bach tour to come around next summer.
(Unless of course he has to have an emergency tonsillectomy.)

svo-ventures in the kichten

i pulled some nice red meat out of my freezer and decided to cook it on my handsome george forman grill. hungry for steak, i was looking forward to a meat and potatos kind of night. i flopped my lean cuts onto my handsome george forman grill and they started cooking.

after awhile i thought to myself hey, why aren't these cooking? (honestly, i probably said it aloud, but with no one to hear but my cats, let's just pretend it was a fleeting thought). the meat seemed to be cooking, but very, very slowly. my steaks were turning a sort of whitish color; they were not turning the color of steak.

i got concerned. i cut into the steaks and saw that the inside looked cooked, but it was white.

i got confused. i dug through my trash and found the plastic wrap from jewel osco with my meat weight and type on it.

i was not cooking steak. i was cooking pork chops.

damn! i thought and/or said aloud to my cats.

An Open Letter to PBS

Dear PBS,

If you want me to give you money your pledge brakes should not consist of programming that I would pay not to watch.

For example, The 2 hours of music theater majors performing Celtic Music in front of a castle with a fog machine going full tilt that you aired Thursday. I would pay $40 to not watch that. In fact, I have written a check for $40 made out to my dog becasue she is willing to play fetch with me in order to stop me from having to watch that.

Or take Friday's 4 hour self-help program designed to convince Baby Boomers that if they think positively and drink green tea they won't die. I have made out a check for $60 to the chuckleheads on Paranormal State for having a more realistic world view.

Finally, let us consider the extensive documentary about early television that you won't stop running. A documentary about television that was so bad that you were invented to counteract it.
I have written a check for $100 to the skeleton of PT Barnum for at least providing real live elephants with his bread and circuses.

Elephants are rad.

Sincerely,
Everyone under the age of 65