An Open Letter to PBS

Dear PBS,

If you want me to give you money your pledge brakes should not consist of programming that I would pay not to watch.

For example, The 2 hours of music theater majors performing Celtic Music in front of a castle with a fog machine going full tilt that you aired Thursday. I would pay $40 to not watch that. In fact, I have written a check for $40 made out to my dog becasue she is willing to play fetch with me in order to stop me from having to watch that.

Or take Friday's 4 hour self-help program designed to convince Baby Boomers that if they think positively and drink green tea they won't die. I have made out a check for $60 to the chuckleheads on Paranormal State for having a more realistic world view.

Finally, let us consider the extensive documentary about early television that you won't stop running. A documentary about television that was so bad that you were invented to counteract it.
I have written a check for $100 to the skeleton of PT Barnum for at least providing real live elephants with his bread and circuses.

Elephants are rad.

Sincerely,
Everyone under the age of 65

An Overheard Conversation That Made Me Die A Little

Scene: Office cafetorium. TWELVE, a mild-mannered trademark lawyer, stands before a microwave, heating her Lean Cuisine. Around a partial wall housing a sink sit FIVE ADMINS. TWO ADMINS sit at one table; THREE ADMINS sit at an adjoining table. They are talking, generally, about movies.

ADMIN ONE: Did any of you see that movie Couples Retreat?

ADMIN TWO: No, I meant to but didn't get around to it.

ADMIN THREE: You have to get it on dvd. It's so funny!

ADMIN TWO: Yeah? The trailer looked hilarious.

ADMIN FOUR: I love that Vince Vaughn. I'd go see him in anything.

ADMIN ONE: Me too. Did you know he was in Zoolander?

ADMIN THREE: I didn't know that!

ADMIN TWO: Me neither. I guess I should rent that too.

ADMIN ONE: You should. It's not as good as Couples Retreat, but it's still pretty funny.

ADMIN FIVE: You know who I like, is that Will Ferrell.

General agreement amongst the ADMINS. TWELVE collects her Lean Cuisine and escapes to her office.

Culinary Note: Failing to refrigerate Lemon-lime Sugar-free Jell-O does not affect its semi-solid state (alarming), but does no favors for its taste.

Seven Super-Powers We Wish We Had

7. Laser Eyes

6. Telepathy

5. The Ability To Turn Failure Into Opportunity

4. Whichever Super-Power Would Make You Date Me

3. Is “Not Being Lazy” A Super-Power?

2. The Ability To Ignore The Stupid Things You Say In Order To Keep This Relationship Alive

1. Flight

Ten Words That Sound Icky Regardless Of Context

10. Gland

9. Fondle

8. Slurpee

7. Joaquinphoenix

6. Beard Hair

5. Diaper

4. Dork

3. Kardashian

2. Dangle

1. Seacrest

10 People We Wish Were Our Uncle

1. John Irving

2. Iggy Pop

3. Barack Obama

4. Sir Isaac Newton

5. Kris Kristofferson

6. The Mythbusters

7. Earl Warren

8. Abraham Lincoln

9. Anderson Cooper

10. That guy who cured polio

Robots FTW!

how about robots? am i right? i mean, those things are friggin' sweet. i just hope they don't eat us. me, personally, in preparation for the robot uprising - well, i've been taking lots of vitamins.

what are you doing to prepare for the inevitable overtaking?