That Isn't Cool

Hey Internet,

My email has been full of messages from services offering to sell me the cheapest Viagra and/or Cialas.

What the what, Internet?

I mean, I understand that you might be frustrated that I wasn't able to "perform" the other night, even with all that glorious pornography you showed me, but you seemed so kind and understanding at the time. You didn't judge - you let me go and surf some comic book news websites to relax. And, I mean, after I found those pictures of Megan Fox in her costume from the upcoming JONAH HEX movie, we eventually sealed the deal.

So why did you have to go and tell all these online erectile dysfunction medication pushers that I needed their services. I thought we had something special, something that was ours.

Obviously I was wrong, Internet.

I'll check you out tonight. If you really want to let me know you're sorry, find me some hot Eliza Dushku nipple-slips. Or Katie Perry. Oh, or that girl from the Progressive insurance ads. Yeah, she's weird-hot...

See, no medicine needed, Internet. See you tonight.

Watch out!

Yesterday I wrote about how we shouldn't care about what's going on with Brett Michaels. Today I saw that he had to be rushed to the hospital because of a brain hemorrhage.

I'm not saying that I am magic, but maybe you all should think twice about making me angry, I might write about it.
I'm looking at you Heidi Montag.

As of Saturday April 17, the second most popular news story according to Yahoo! was Brett Michaels' emergency appendectomy.

Seriously folks?
I mean we are talking about Brett Michaels.
(Tell me this photo isn't doctored.)
This is a guy who had a hit song when I was in grade school and who is now a reality show regular.

Why do we care about his useless internal organs?
I mean even if he had to have emergency bypass surgery I'm not sure I would click on that article link.

And let's be honest, the interesting thing that we have learned from this story is not that Brett had to have his appendix removed, it's that he had to postpone his tour.
That means Brett Michaels is touring!

Well Florence, Indiana I guess you are just going to have to wait for the Sebastian Bach tour to come around next summer.
(Unless of course he has to have an emergency tonsillectomy.)

svo-ventures in the kichten

i pulled some nice red meat out of my freezer and decided to cook it on my handsome george forman grill. hungry for steak, i was looking forward to a meat and potatos kind of night. i flopped my lean cuts onto my handsome george forman grill and they started cooking.

after awhile i thought to myself hey, why aren't these cooking? (honestly, i probably said it aloud, but with no one to hear but my cats, let's just pretend it was a fleeting thought). the meat seemed to be cooking, but very, very slowly. my steaks were turning a sort of whitish color; they were not turning the color of steak.

i got concerned. i cut into the steaks and saw that the inside looked cooked, but it was white.

i got confused. i dug through my trash and found the plastic wrap from jewel osco with my meat weight and type on it.

i was not cooking steak. i was cooking pork chops.

damn! i thought and/or said aloud to my cats.